had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
