I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
