I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
