I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
