I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
