i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
