he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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