Cold hands, warm shart.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
