Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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