I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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