You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
