I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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