do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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