i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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