he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
