my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
