I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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