remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.