Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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