he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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