All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
