the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
