dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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