I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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