You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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