My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize