I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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