I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
