I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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