...so i touched it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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