He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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