She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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