so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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