take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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