bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
