Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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