I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
