Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
