A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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