You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
