I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
