its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
