Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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