we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
