well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
