you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
