i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm getting married
To pizza
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
