it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
