I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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