Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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