five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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