And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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