U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
