Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
