We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
