dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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