Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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