I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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