HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
