Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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