Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
