GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
