Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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