If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
