i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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