he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
